Phobos

You were angry
and sleeping
at the same time
while I was evolving
or devolving
whichever
came
from the gutters
in the shutters
of mind
of mine
so yes
there are these photos
and phobos
but I never knew
you were
Icarus

Brimming with Conceit

When the light goes out
On this town of glitter gold
I reach for my bottled water
with a little pout
a fork in the road
brimming with design
not certain of the decline
or western civilization
for ideals
are in the moss
in the swamps
but you get what you pay for
night light
station wagon
pattymelt
brimming with conceit
reaching for my bottled water
swept away
by anvils

Swamps my Shoes

Rain dries my eyes
and swamps my shoes
hoodie soaked through
grounded near worms
the ocean that once was land
they say it will stop
they say it will end
one day my eyes will run
and these sandels will come out
my head will drip in an instant

Sweet October

You can't drive until October
but my October you'll be gone
Until
Sprinkled with self centeredness
making this
shorter but sweeter
resulting in
a partial life
a bitter wine
the only friend
with wings
and committing crimes
against humankind
but you're not here

Sewers of Contempt

There is a stranger
That has entered the space between
Wisdom and knowledge
Universe and time
Cracked under that Seven
Head faced so high
But you better leave this house
Because I rent
And you abhor
But there in the darkness
A red light, shown
Unlock the doors
Seek and beseech
We cannot adhere
In a small place
Together
For we have grown apart
By a year
Of many years
But you do not know me
And you do not belong
In the sewers of contempt
In the alleys of
goodbye

Do nots and Cannots

I can write
maybe four lines
maybe six
but I cannot
because I do not feel
I am able to state
what is wrong
and
what is right
because I cannot tell
what the difference
between
good
and
bad
both lead to distruction
of either my heart
or of my soul
and I need not lose
another

The Middle Land

who are you
what have you become
who am I
how are we seen
by the other?

punching bag

punching fists into walls
never works
for anything
other then
bloody fists
but we keep
punching
because
I am your
punching bag

Obsession

will my desire
survive without
this obsession?
It would feel
like I am dying
if not for this
craving
because it has
kept this boat
a float
but this
desire must go
for it is growing old
because I hide in
this obsession
because it fiction
the my ideals
and I would
rather not
boast fantasy.

Wrongly Mistaken

Your crooked nose
from years of
crack
makes your nose hair
grey
instead of
black
and your rotten teeth
and your breath
wretched
not to mention
your hair is thinning
makes me plesant

It's not a surpise
even clean
you can't decide
what's right
because you're wrong
wrongly mistaken

Blankets of Fear

There is a wall built
between you and I
that should be broken down
but you won't take it apart
and my tools are still
in the shed

There is an ocean created
between you and I
that should be sailed
but you boat is being repaired
and mine
has been sold

There is a distance
between you and I
that should not be there
though we cannot break it
or maybe we can

Maybe there is nothing
or there is something
between you and I
but we're here
in blankets of fear

That Picture of Me

That picture of me
on your wall
after all this time
I want to tear it down
and put it on mine
because it was taken
by a dear friend
who speaks volumes
about friendship
and reveals your lies

That picture of me
remains there or so
I would think
so I cannot leave
your side
when you sleep
but you do not watch over me
because I learned to keep
my past
at a safe distance

Wasted Days

Keep the dream alive
but we cannot sleep
because we were up
too long
trying to keep
the day awake
but as I flicker
with the tempation
of slumber
I'm kept together
of what should have been done
before the day was through
though it is always
the same
Saturdays tend to be
wasted days
or just another day
but I'm just barely here
with my eyes shutting
to sleep
to wonder

Failure

I guess you could say I do this about everyday
stare a this blank page
and wonder what to say
to the one that
brought love and pain
but as I get older,
I'm starting to forget
all the things that came with love
and just see
how much pain you put me in
and then comes sadness
we cannot even be friends
because you made me feel worth something
and I start to realize that
now I'm nothing
to you
and it has made me doubt my worth
that anyone else would be able
to see it too

Materials Unaccounted For

Fuck you and your
silly simple ways
of shock and dismay
without devotion
we are animals
to sin
for cards were dealt
and I'm still picking
them up
the anger keeps wanting to come out
but it gets bottled
in barrels of toxic dump
withdrawn
and forsaken
to be a homo
in hetero

Cigarettes

A million steps
instead of twelve
three cigarettes
for a downward facing dog
we are communal
and desperate
for release by Kubler-Ross
Instead of a test subject
of Pavlov
Two cigarettes
star crossed
without a cross
sign and dialect
lost in light
blinded by sound
but at the deepest core
they know better
then history
and it's lessons
for one cigarette
is given to a
posthuman ghost
like wind
through a screen
on a front porch
through a child of
Lamarck
but is it wind
or just smoke

Shit Stick

The two of us on your floor
your head just slightly
above my knees
while I look down
and settle in this postion
your sloppy kisses
on my shit stick
feeling your hair product
in your hair
rubbing against my hands
and I settle
at this condition
realizing
reality
and your mission
to blow kisses
and break hearts
but this isn't
going to get me off

Typical Me

I do not like what I see in the mirror
and I do not like how I feel
but because of myself
and not from the
victims from behind me

I will never be typical beauty
and I will never be typical
in personality
because of family
and because of me

What is so Funny?

What is so funny?
Did I get pushed off the cliff
and shrug my shoulders?
Did my heart get hurt
by a loser?

What is so funny?
Oh yeah,
nothing is funny
about these moments
except I am slowling
losing them
and there is
no one to remind me
or anyone to share
them with

Love and Answers

She was him
in love with someone else
she saw she hurt someone
trying to fix it
so she stopped trying to
correct mishaps
and stopped giving
love and answers
she gave only
more chances
to people who did not
know better
because she had grown
but she could not see
who she was
was not
who he be

Or Less, or More

Save me from the oceans
that rock and sway
pristine waters
and take me to
the rocky mountains
that guide by
pebbles and stones
for I am a quarter
or less
or more
bound my land
our hunger source
feed me
protect
the animals
of spirit
from extinction
for I am three fourths
or less
or more
brought to the
ocean because
I am bound
my many a different
force

Pointless

some kind of
hell raising
monkey cat
climbing vines
scratching posts
you are going to
die alone
without a smiley face
to grow old with
is it not funny
ha
but not funny
ha ha
that these cries
become tears
giving a thumbs down
liars
and whores
and did I mention
liars
who say they do not mean
love
when they mean it
and
liars
who say they do not mean
in time
but instead abuse us
for our watches need batteries
and we are a minute
and some seconds
behind
god save us
why are you misplaced
in someone else's body
why are neither here
because the point is
pointless

Ghosts of self

What are you going to be?
I'm going to relive
the ghosts of self
to celebrate
the presence it
has created

Who would I be?
if I stayed here
with my eyes shut
with bombs
blowing up
wrecking
suburbia

Where it all went wrong

For those that wondered, where it all went wrong; I would say from birth. You come into this life, doe eyed optimistic, and life seems to try to whittle it down like carving soap into a boat. One question that has bothered me the older I get is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or as we get older “What did you want to be when you were growing up?” Out of all the questions in my life, I think that is the hardest one to give without exposing too much of my heart. Since I could remember, all I wanted to be when I grew up was to be in love. Which I’m sure most people do, but not at the point that it would be the answer to that question. Though my answer to that question, states my biggest point; what I want to be is to love, and be loved; everything else isn’t important.

Off Words

Sometimes I get stuck on words
like how cotton candy sticks to itself
and I forget what
"gave" once meant
but it sounds pleasant
what was "joy"
if not expressionless

Who needs words
when there can be action
and why would there be action
without a worth
or a world
full of meanings
of just
off words

Just you and me

I came to you around
six'o'clock
barely breathing
still in shock
that this would
in some trivial time
always be mine
so I bask in all the glory
everytime we meet
without you knowing
it was because of you
and not the time
I spent driving

You keep me up late
not able to act upon
midnight glances
and whisper lullabies
from the one
I was meant to forever
recogize

And maybe there is a part
I should repent
because if I looked from the outside
I would resent
because I was always bothered by
it in others

Dizzy Ditzy

I sit in seclusion
doing self protraits
in a window of time
while everybody is living their lies
remebering what it was like
to think that
everyone is an actor
so I should play my role,
a dizzy ditzy
thing I rolled

The Drunk Year

It took a bunch of beer
to learn where I fit
and who I was,
was not what
was being acted upon
but as humans we
become stagnant
to ourselves,
so naturally
we become
to others

Trading friends
for a drunk year
because I cannot be
everywhere
and
everything
at any
or all
times
to anyone
or to myself

Suddenly
the year has ended
and we are stuck
with the conclusions
I belong to
no one and nothing
and I cannot be any longer
in pretending
but I can be in hiding

The Biggest Betrayal

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic creator
Who creates life
And then judges
The creation
And not the
Creator

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic leader
Who creates love
And then judges
A lover,
And not the
Love

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic being
Who dreams of love,
And his creator will not deem it
For the being cannot learn
to still believe in it.

Perfection

Why do you keep searching
for things that do not exist
looking for angels
in another's tea dress
climbing up ladders
that lead to nothing
cleaning up shelves
only left for dusting

Renounce every drop
of what your name means
denounce ever word
of clarification
bend every ear of every page
that crossed this stream
bind yourself
in your own perfection

Take a shuttle out of town
leave for the harbor
say your farewells
to all those hollows
burn your wounds
and your feelings
for nothing leads
to nothing

Farewell all those
with stone hearts
and Mary's
with bleeding souls
for we are done looking for
clarification
and
declaration
just wrapping ourselves
in our own perfection

Questions

Who was
What was
Where did
When did
Why was it
How did it
Get to this

Who did it
What did it mean
Where was it
When I lost
Why did it
How come
It happened
In Fragments
Of me

Thirties

I have given up all hope
So I sit and I smoke
Only missing who I was
And what I could have been
Instead of just
Crawling towards my thirties

Fighting

I just do not want to exist
to breathe
to keep fighting
for my heart has had too much heartbreak
for I am a plant
that needs watered
a planet that needs moisture
besides the tears from my eyes
because those are all gone
and I cannot be
stressed or worried
because nothing affects me
I keep trying to keep on
but I am falling
behind others

Starbreak

Like a moth
in daylight
like a myth
at starbreak
she fights
and bites
at her sunny
disposition
she would speak
but she barks
for darkness will have
to run after me
for
dimnesss is
like a moth
in daylight
and this would seem
like a myth
at starbreak
if not for
uncovered options

Magenta Truck

You and your magenta truck
given by your father
on your sixteenth
birthday
for being a good little
self centered
hateful christian
though god sees you
he frowns
because he wears
a thorned crown
for everyone
not just those
who believe in it

so say your words
of your simple mind
to those who will listen
but do not think
because they listen
they care
because it is your right
to speak for the right
because we do not want you
near the center

Bed Abuse by Owen

i spend most days in this bed that i abuse,
on these pillows that you can't get used to.
i spend entire days putting off that which can't wait
until i'm knee deep in my own waste.

and i think that i'm justified
'cause i've seen what trying's
done for those
who've tried.

i spend most days in this
bed too small for two,
misplacing time like i've got
it to lose.
i spend endless days
thinking of all the different ways
that we make love.

and i think that i'm justified
'cause i've seen what living's
done for those alive.
(little to none... little to none)

i spend entire days in this bed too
small for two,
on these pillows that you can't get used to.
and that's why i don't sleep at night...
and that's why i don't feel right in this city...
it's more me than you.

Red Water

I want to,
I want to be
crossed over
by waves of red water
crashing into shores
of midwinter's summer
and you'll know when it is done
while others are ran over
you ran me over
you keep running

I want to,
I want to be
build up taller
like a light house
calling out
come home
all you sailors
lost in waves
of red water
for I will be a port
I will be a chest
for all your memories
and dreams
just if I can be seen

Prairie Wheat

Why is this fear coming out of your eyes
Like prairie wheat burning
As it’s embers fade to charcoal
But you still light the fires of others
And bring flames to beds
On your reserves
Surviving weighted restlessness
Eyes from almond
To diamond
Living through all the crimes
Saying
“You are not an enemy
At least to yourself
Or to me
So set your spirit free.”
Then you strip down
To your skivvies
And extinguish
What is left of
Your flames
In the murky waters
Of being
A being
Not lost
To recollection

Another Word

I cannot think of
another word for
pain
so it repeats
day in
and day out
like a heart beat
pain pain
pain pain
pain pain

So I think of
another word instead
sorrow
and it repeats
like the a
leaky faucet
sorrow
sorrow
sorrow

So I do not think
of words
So I just sit
with the beat
of my heart of pain
with thoughts
coming like a leaky faucet
of sorrow
and I roll
from side to side
in a squeeky
waterbed

Why

Why do you leave me
why do they all
why does it lead to liquid cutting
I am no diamond in the rough
strip away this coal heart of mine
strip away the armor of night

Why does love leave me
little but big enough
to wish I could cry
and try to leg go
but too many tears
have been shed
but not enough
because I want to bare it all
to you
so I bare very little
except to those
with long necks

Demons have lovers

one lover fools me
to think things will
go back the way
they were
and drops me like a
needle in the haystacks

another leads me on
thinking there could be a future
when he knew all along
I was just simple,
I fed his need,
it was never about me

But both these demons have lovers
and I'm left with nothing,
over and over
so I am forced
to not open the door,
and go outside
because there is always more pain
when I look
on the other side

Fall of Fall

Roots are so deep
in between the soil
with my head so far up
in the clouds
leafs are falling
I always wanted to be a dandelion
but they etch their intials
on my bark
just as if they would pour
their wine
but it is becoming winter
and the fall was too short
though I am here all the time
hearing the wind
hearing the children
play outside
with their toys
girls and boys
but I am just losing my leaves
with my skin becoming bark

Recently

Recently added
and objects may appear closer
then they actually are
but it had only been a day
before the change
and it is been a week
since it even started
but it is over
but somewhere
recently added
got recently ruined
but there is little a mess
because this just
recently happened

Time passages

Somedays I feel all I am do is waiting
for the past to come back
other days it seems
I am just stalling until the future arrives
but neither come
so I am stuck in the present
bound by all the lies
of the people who
have mattered
and ones who deem themselves
not able
to realize
they are fighting my past
so they better start running
they are compared to my future
so you better start something
to knock me off my balance
and fall to the bottom
of love

Break and Tear

Do not let others in
they will only bring you down
break and tear
eventually
and it is sooner then
you think

So do not let others
mislead or confuse
what you think
and do
because they sway like
new trees
in a hurricane

Words of Creation

Blowing flowers
maybe willows
maybe poppies
or sunflowers
spreading seeds
that grow ivy
around iron gates
that provide beauty
to casted elements
from all life revolves
and all life evolves
just without adaption
playing with the words of creation
cohabitation
lacking
in sustentation
but this is neither
salvation
or damnation
just seeds in
the ground
of iron gates
blow just to wait

Yellow

Yellow kisses
on the top step
getting misplaced
by facial hair
and stolen
eyebrows

Though I want more
because it has been
a while with
a light in
these dark times

So we try
to see the
sun in the
clouds
but the skies
are getting darker
and it is
about to rain

Maybe one day
we will not
make our
would be lovers
referenced
by colors
but they provide
us with
a spectrum
to get through this
lifetime
forever

Heartstrings

Agony by numbers
finally able to see
what others could
all along
I do not belong
here nor there
having left pieces of my heart
everywhere
though I try
to hide in saturnine
nature
it is getting harder to hide
behind smiles
because even
though it is trite
the sadness comes through
these eyes

Someone said that,
that first love
did not count
and he could
be right
but I am hoping
not
because it leaves me
in no man's land
with emotions
I do not want to
confront
and friends
I know I should
desire to see
but I just
want to be left alone
because no one
deserves to be
with someone
whose heart
is without heartstrings

Societies and Civilizations

Able to walk on stilts
more then swim in water
without waterwings
but it takes more then
soul searchers
of deal breakers
to bring
dams to break
and let water crash
into societies
and civilizations
that would soil the earth
of pollution
and love
gone to waste
but this isn't a cry
for help
or a call for realization
this is sounding off for others
to see
love has made a mess
of me

FUBAR

I fuck myself up
about every other night
on bottles
but sometimes boys
and even when I get screwed
I realize I screw myself
because I allow them into
my pain
by hiding
the hollowness
of being
without the one
that made sense
of this life of being
Fucked
Up
Beyond
All
Repair
I'm hurt,
and I cannot show my wounds
but who would want to see
but who would want to hear
me repeat
Black and Blue
Black and Blue
because no one understands
since they want to see Brown and Red
but I sort of see the Red
because I'm bleeding
and there is no proper way to end
this

Unreachable

With lies laying on paper
Laid to rest
with chrome hinges
to rust
on the top of shelf
with legs cut off
so these days are unreachable
But there are not enough lies
to tell the truth

Around the Corner

My dreams
keep telling me
how things should be
instead of how they are
and it seeems so simple
in these fantasies
when these people come to us
instead of searching for them
it seemed so real
that it made it seem
like they are just around the corner

The Whore of Washington Square

Without you
I've been come
the whore of
washington square
constantly looking
and letting people
get away
with anything
just to try
to make it seem
like I want to try
to get over you
and I do
but not at
the rate
it is taking
because
it is taking too long
and the past is gone
so I've become this whore
and it is boring
because I never
get what I want

Sticky

I hear bugs as I go to sleep

from time to time

and I feel the sting

of the bees

as they surround me

with their honey

and I do not like it

because it make me sticky

Dear Mister Adams

Dear Mister Adams,
I would write to you
on a typewriter
but now is not the time
nor will it ever be
but I hear you now live overseas
and I've taken your post
in NC
for you sorrow has
influenced
many people like me

Dear Mister Adams,
I wrongly kept thinking
everyday
I understood
your crazy
fucked up
brain
but I
understand
today

Fool's Gold

It is so easy for me to live, love. and let go
I am not so sure why it's hard for you
to do so
It is not like everything we touch
turns to gold
so it should not be hard
to realize
you were fool's gold
and you would be a fool
to think otherwises
so
it is easy for me to turn away
maybe you should look the other way
because there is nothing here
maybe there never was
because I have moved onto better places
better men
and better love
because I am done

Seas of Green

If you would look into my eyes
you would see jade
that reminds people
of the emerald seas
and who I used to be
before crashing into
society
and in
reality
my eyes are blue
but I have made them
green
for
pirate thoughts
and
a petty man
who
I keep crashing
crushing for
because life was once
worth living
in the seas of green
within brown eyes

Geppetto

Who is going to take care
of the person that makes everything better
if he cannot make things better
for himself?

Coal

They would throw bread at our wedding
instead of rice
if there was a wedding
but neither of us will ever
wear a suit
and I have been told
to keep pretending
things are ok
for others
but I'm sick of
pretending
for my there is no
heart
where it used to be
for it has been replaced
with coal
without the power
to burn

Tumbleless Seasons

The fear comes rolling in
like tumble weed
during huricane season
but I am thinking of the past
while living in the future
what a fool
only my present
does not fit yet
in the future
others
used to
so I am trapped
in limbo
in the crack between spaces
but hopeful
of timelines
for
tumbleless seasons

Welcome Mats

Like a welcome mat
feeling stomped upon
but these moments
there is realization
as to why
the mat is there
for displeasure
can be pushed away
for opened eyes

Welcome
to what is left
and the
hope of what is
to come
for mats
are by doors
that open possibilities
making mats
not just something
to stand on

Carolyn

Can you hear them
Carolyn
the cries of millions
of screaming children,
the people that want it all,
and the serpents that
wallow in the deep in

for they all want
your wisdom
your control
or someone to
look up to
instead of being alone

Time has passed
and you cannot care for
the one
that comes
from
your womb

You must keep giving
what others dare not
Carolyn
because
everyone now
is your child
and you carry a burden
of civilization

Unfathomable

Carbon based
human lifeform
reigned
into
staccato measures

Garnering
affliction
ruining
new posts
ennui
always
unforgettable

But things change
for soliders
with names
so common
they become unspeakable
for the change for those who
follow these warriors
shall become
unfathomable

Made for Each Other

Having to rub it in people's faces
that you are in a relationship
usually is not a good sign
for it looks for vindication
since it is not enough
but why would it be
for dating him
is like
letters becoming wind
flowing through your fingers
You will never be enough
for him to see you
as anything
other then
a supporting cast
member
but you should know better
for you were better
before knocking on this door
and excerising these demons
because you knows ex's
creep at the other side
and you are no angel
and he is no whore
but you two might as well
be made for each other.

All of Me

I would write something here,
but would anyone care to read it?
Would anyone see it,
me
in these
words
on this screen
so be it
these are the words
expression
without correction
for this is
part of who
i am
but this cannot
contain
all of me

Lead Paint

Heart strings being pulled
like lead paint peeling off walls
it is slow
but steady
how hurt
has been pushed away
for no emotions
to remain

Momma Said

Momma said,
"Date the ones that aren't trying
to be perfect,
for no one is,
and the ones that try
are big fakers."

That made sense,
until the coin flipped
and the only
people to date
were losers

Which is the key
to everything
and all the flaws,
that she inforced,
"low standards"
which then became
none at all.

So we never dated
anyone
that felt worthy
just people
seeming more
flawed then us.

Turquoise Camels

Skinny
and thinking
a sad sobering drunk
watching the start of the end
that is the end of the omega
but time has traveled
and the past has changed
but the people are watching
the omega scraps
unravel into left overs
and life is a let down
to alpha boys
and everything has altered in months
to being able to see reality
and war
because turquoise camels

Dear Head

Everytime anyone drives
down this numbered street
there is you looking
out to the people
that pass by
and you have been raped
by your hairdresser
because it does not
look fetching
but this billboard
has been here for decades
and it certainly looked good
when it was taken
though time has passed
and we all know it
and we all wonder
how you look now
and could you be
our friend
because your rates
do not apply
to people with
money sense
leaving you to be
just a billboard
so high
and mighty
to common folk

"A Bug, Your food"

She said nothing
she just pointed
to a sign
that said
"A Bug,
Your Food"
kind of confused
but she pointed
it to everyone
and it meant nothing
unless you try to find purpose
for her words
even if they are not hers
for
"A Bug,
Your food"
certainly is
not something
she would say
maybe it means
nothing
to her
but it means something
because it is the only thing
she says
to me

Not Meant for Two

Out of all the songs
you would sing
to me
you sing
"Not the Red Baron,"
funny how it meant
something
totally different
in your context
next to me
Though I remember,
but remember too late,
the context
of what it means
and realize
maybe you meant
it to be a clue
because you sang it several times
to hold me to sleep
since the bed
could not hold
us both
but is not that a clue too
a bed not meant for two

Past Times Past

Tear drops
in tear ducts
drinking
peach tea
at sunset
stuck between
reality
and fantasy
seeing
weeping willows
reminding
of past times past
where things are meant to be
at least for some beings
that choke on peach tea
and it might not make sense
but who ever said anything
made sense
for it is about
remembering
past times past

Some

Somebodys, someone else
Someone's, somebody
left with the same answer
this is not meant to be
nor ever was
both sides deserving
somebody better
somebody else
someone else
and a million ways to say
the same thing
somebody is out there
somewhere
someone
knows it too
someday it
will come true

Egg Shells

Waking up angry, sort of drunk
wanting to just keep drinking
but instead try to have some eggs
though get upset the shell must break
because shells have been broken before
and they make a mess
and there is no room for
egg shells
in the universe of trash
a thought occurs
"have a bagel"
with whipped cream cheese
though there are none left
so a shower is the next task
for a certain someone must smell dirty
or at least feels that way
because shame
and regret
then breakfast will be dealt with

Heaven comes with Wings

For sake of fuck
You are a better me
fuck
me
but never fuck you
because
I'm aware
you will play
another fool
So when it is over,
come visit
we can easily become friends
because it is a waste of time
except maybe
for what we can share
for we have seen heaven
and the fall from grace
or at least one of us
for now
but beware
that heaven comes with wings
but wings of fire
that will burn your soul

Midnight Glow

How much do people over use the word love
When in reality never use alone enough
Because that is what we are
It is the middle of the night
and the glow of midnight
lays by my side
Though it pains me not
for freedom
is to welcome
being alone
fearing nothing
becoming whole
There is this midnight glow
on my side,
but I just moved
it is on my back
it follows me
it gives me
my choice
my answer
and light in the night
when there would be none.

Trees Killing

Thought that I could write it down
to understand
to make sense
of what was
would bes
that became cannots
Instead I'm
making the wounds deeper
Wasting away
Forgetting everything
that came before
So I write
but I realize I do
because I want to glorify
what I feel for you
because it meant something
but only because
I never do
feel this way
So the first year passes quick
and all I have are words on paper
and it's ironic,
that I killed trees
but I find trees killing me

Killing Trees (Version 1)

I
am
killing
trees
with
each
word
another
inch
adds
to
the
decline
of
us
and
you
in
my
life
with
paper
roses
just
to
kill
trees
to
make
you
feel
the
lack
of
my
concern,
for
you
are
dead
to
me
like
killed
trees

Dulcet Dirges

All that was left was
dulcet dirges
of times spent
wasted
waiting
wanting
desires
to come
true

the dirges
were dulcet
and they
desired
to be
over
for
however
dulcet
a dirge can be
it is repeitive

One Less Glass

Years go by so quick
while hours go by so slow
it wasn't until last night
that we saw you getting
older
tired
and patches of healing skin
from bruises
unaware
Though we all see
how we connect to our grandmothers
and how we don't connect with our mothers
until they become like theirs
So we're watching the first leaves come down
in mid Summer
and we didn't fear death
until we released there would be
one less glass
of tea
but I see her in my mother now
and in my aunt
Though I have yet to see
either of them in me

In Comparison

In comparison
there is no one better
then you
revealing keyholes
in brains
that leave
footprints
in the Id

In comparing
There is much to be improved
but as well
nothing to be gained
because there was nothing taken from others
by sitting near empty picture frames
besides talking about them
with you

In comparison
things look so much richer
next to pure reality
and true thoughts
but comparing
things become clear
like glass

Words Fail Me

When the words fail me
I try over and over
but the world is gone
and I'm falling
just not free
instead haunted
while people I knew
are in the skies
and I'm on the ground
but the words fail me
what was I meant for
if not for
sitting
watching
you do your hair
and yesterday I smelled you
yet today I spelled you
and you won't look back
but it's all I can do
for
I was meant for loving
and I know I cannot go back
to ruins
so words fail me
but I keep trying

Plains or Planes

It is silent in my heart
until around others
that may make flutters
of memories that
have yet to come

Expiration
could be in order
for there is little
to contain
of either
plains
or planes

Behind the Rainbow

I love you
but it will not
go away
I fall asleep
yet still it
remains
worse
by the days
I just want
to breathe
again
fresh air
instead of old
I just hope
I'm mistaken
about how
I feel
and how my
perspective
could fail
because I do not
want to be here
forever
if forever
lives
behind the rainbow

Tippy Toe

On my tippy toes
I make it a habit to not wake
sleepy citizens
yet
they tippy toe
tramble
over all
my existance
tussling
rustling
in the wind of
what was once
hope
and chances
of changes
of ballerinas
through the night
and day
without much dismay
because they would aslo
tippy toe
around each other
with quite a display

Oblivious vagary

Oblivious vagary
of my interest
yet it ends
right where you began
like a mummy
wrapped
and warped
like a totem
high above
awareness

War Drums

12 hours
that changes
the sun
to the moon
people go from adored
to anguish
leaving others confused
but others give them the chance
that in another 12
there will not be penury
of care
of emotion
of truthful
devotion
for civilzied beings
know not to bang
war drums

Badinage

Badinage
before bed
on a mattress
of wires
to keep me from falling asleep
darlin'

Feeling the same way
wishing the same
wish you were in my bed
too

Tonight we sleep
on sand turned to glass
with concrete pillows
knowing not too soon
will we sleep together

Year None

A year wasted
In hopes that
Crashed
Into barricades
And dams
This is
Only visible
By your influence
Seeing that time was
Trashed
In hopes
That love
Stood up
Against children
Who thought they knew
1 + 1
Equaled 2

Though
A year wasted
Is a year none
Or so it’s been told
But
1+ 1
Is 2

Arcylic Insides

It is not flowers
in arcylic
or oils
Done by elephants
with a brush

Portraits
of who
knows what
Bowls of fruit
Rotting

It is about emotion
and creation
celebrating
construction
abducting
to another place
a deeper inside

Encomium

I'm not worthy
of this encomium
it only makes me feel worse
about the mistakes I've made
the people I've hurt
the most
tend to be myself

Flaws no one sees
that everyone makes
why can I not
left loose strings
drop
without guilt
of dropping

Everyone sees me
saint like
but I have sinned
by giving everyone
the benefit

Maybe that is the reason
for this encomium
for I never think of myself
or the reality
of matters
of the heart.

Honey Bee

You are watching over me
With bedroom eyes,
Glances from the side
That follows my every move

Honeybee
Thirty Two
Suits you
Looking good in
Black and White

Some random love
Is found
In the deepest of souls

Honey bee
You sweeten
The sourness
Of existence

Black and Blue

How un-natural we are,
My blood pours, and runs like wine
How quickly we both are,
To run from vines
I want to get drunk on wine,
In my world it would not be a crime,
To feel the pain you left inside of me.

Stoic and Pule

I'd rather be stoic
then pule
at tables
that carry friends

Or let one more mistake
come my way
since there have been too many
to break through
iron clad gates

Though
both had served me well
I have pulled back the curtains
in my mind frame

Yet there are still certain friends
that remain
the slave
to complaints

Personal Supernovas

How can one person be everything at once
And still not explode
With excitement of
being borderless
in territories
bound by lines
and mores
that govern
the govern less

Viewing this
creates personal supernovas
that produce sparks
and stars
creating becons of light
that shine on the way back
from outerspace

Copse

In these summer days
We have desired to add
Two more trees
To our copse
Next to the wiser tree
With gray bark
Sits me,
Spray painted
Yellow bark
With Branches so high

They will plant,
Two more trees
One right next to me
With words etched on it with rocks
The other for my fellow tree
on the opposite side
That was falling apart

97431 (Life by Digits)

060320009
080920027
070220054
042220063
080120081
97431

Color Communication

Drinking Coffee
Never discussing weather
Since it would be passe
Cliche
Instead we talk about
the shades of our hearts
the shapes of our souls
in a color communication
That makes us too large
for these
small
towns

Sipping coffee,
swallowing color
of times past
of our communication

Ups and Downs

Random words,
certain to elevate
consciousness
Bringing back B & B
With very few drinks
With very few memories
to bring back
elevation

It's hard to believe your selfishness
While parts break off
parts break off
me
myself
and
I
Forgetting those sides
of the
war

Elevating towards
the decline
of decimation
Though I come up for air
Through it all

27

At 27
I've learned to

Forgive myself
Forge new connections
Allow for mistakes
See me for who I am,
Not look for answers
Or Give advice
Not make as many plans
Limit the things around me
Surround myself with people
Live in my own standards
Learned how to define me all over again
Not hold myself up with high standards
Then not view myself so low
See people I do not know, and be joyous for them
To love
Then not to be shackled by love
To expect less out of people
That I yearn for a group once more
Though the friends I have make up for it
Trying to make things better can make things worse
Enjoy what I do have
Put myself first
Who I am, has cut off what else I can be.
I savor cosmic flavor
To get anywhere, you have to forget where you have been
Though I don't show my anger, people can still be aware of it
To be what I want, I always have to be what I do not first

Yesteryears

I think
I'm drowning,
I'm floating,
but instead
I'm flying
Above you
and the gravity
that would ground me
to mistakes
and illusions
of yesteryears'
knowledge

Tuesday Morning Rain

Tuesday morning rain
Wooden Moist Reeds
Wet Brass
The smells of seventeen

Wearing yellow pants
out of step
on purpose

These fellow guys and dolls
Caring too much
about steps
and notes
to see the melody
of living
in color
against
the rain
on
Tuesday
morning

X

X
I C U
X + X
X O X O
X + X
I C

Penhole camera

I am not one to stay up until four
to reminisce of times from decade ago
Or one to not take control
and just let chaos affect every whim

I am one to take the path,
that tends to be full of resistance
but how sad
everyone takes shortcuts

Who I am not
is a person who lives the ordinary
Or someone that has still has to find their maturity
for I'm a old soul
Who takes pictures with penhole camera
that may never develop.

Grown up Children

All around me are grownup children
Acting out
And doing nothing
One night after
The other

Unaware of what may come
With no care for the future
Or Desires
Laying in emotional beds of
Barbed wires

Often though it is best we stay
Grownup children
For the things we
Cannot change
Makes us weary adults

Friar

My friar
My friend
Comes with bottles
Which hold scrolls of the unknown

Saying
Relax
And understand
Stop thinking,
Come drinking
To the fact that
We have each other

My Friar
Arrives with joy
Throughout the pain
Yet, pleased all the same
That there are these scrolls
Inside bottles
With wisdom
That can only be gained
From forgetting everything
That came before
The toast

Moments

Moments come and go,
Though love, it sticks around
In these moments, time remains in pockets
Integral to who we should be
Instead of whom we think we should
These moments crack
What has remained of the armor
While some ocean friends are viewable
There is only you, rescuing

Sunset gravel

On the Rocks,
I cannot figure what color to paint
The sunset
On the gravel
Hearts are paved over
In the Sky
I’ve learned to fly
Float
Dissipate

Seashell

When it’s silent in my room minus the whirl of the fan
I think of my head on your stomach, as oxygen comes in and out
Like waves crashing back and forth into the shore,
Coming from a seashell

World Worn by War

She made life a series of unusual ordeals
Since disappointment can be quite a life style
There were mistakes made,
That started with the word maybe,
She made many bad deals

One day she came home,
To the ruin of a world worn by war
Never noticing the difference
“It is only after we have lost everything,
That we are free to do anything”
Well, maybe it is time she bought
Instead of sold

La Le De Dah

La le de dah
I’m the truth singing bird
That cannot cope with the changing of the seasons
La le de dah
I cannot fly away

The truth is
It is always the same
You pull me in
Then push me away
And I am here waiting for it again.

La le de dah
I sing
La le de dah
I must go away

Are you aware you are failing at your own game?
Are you aware your words have deflated?
Are you aware, you have flown away?

La le de dah
Again la le

Tuesday

I’m not afraid of losing you,
I’m afraid of letting go and not letting things effect me
I’m afraid of nothing happening and nothing becoming a routine
I’m afraid of Tuesday

I’m not afraid of losing you
You’ve not here, you’re gone, and never were
You bother me with the fact things aren’t here, and they should be, they might be, they’re NOT.
I’m afraid of Tuesday

I’m not afraid of losing you
Because there is nothing within you to lose
Besides the fear in your soul
There is no reason I should fear losing your fear
On a Tuesday

I’m not afraid of losing you
Because I don’t need your fear or your regrets, because I know them all
I’m not afraid of losing you,
I’m afraid of the fear of Tuesday

I’m not afraid of losing you
I’m afraid that all my looking within myself for self improvement is pointless
If I don’t have that and don’t have anything, anyone, any idea or point,
It becomes Tuesday

Waiting, Wanting, Needing

Waiting,
Wanting,
Needing,
for an easy break

Desire,
Demands,
Devours,
all of who we are

Weapons,
Warriors,
Witches,
are all that remains
of a spoiled love,
that could send a million war ships
if it was not for

Waiting,
Wanting,
Needing

Together

There are places I go to that remind me of what could have been
“I wouldn’t be here if we were together”
Then I feel bad because I think
“My love is too tiny to hold us together”

These days I moil through the weeks
Doing better, but still upset
“Our lives do not fit together”

So I go to these places
To try to remember how things were before we met
Then I find only discontent
Since I was never wanting to be here to begin with.

Smiling

It hurts too much to look back,
so the words have been taken from me
So today I decided to look back,
to put myself in a fake misery.
While looking back,
I see things that bring me joy,
friends that mean much more,
and I am ok,
and I am not crying,
because not in one of those photos was he smiling.

Too

There is not much left of my black and blue
To no surprise to anyone but myself
Maybe I try to burn too bright
For a love that may try to be too much

American Made Sovereignty

You can buy your religion
as a Jesus fish,
in america
If your religion,
is just your community,
or if you care how people think about you

These desires
and dreams
are American Made,
but we do not question them

You can be sold by mass media
to further your education,
for a false sense of security,
without any idea what you want

These desires,
and dreams
are American Made,
but we start to question them

I searched for love,
I searched for meaning,
I searched for understanding,
in all the wrong places

I'm American Made,
but I'm claiming my sovereignty

Trying

After all the years of trying to force love
The one least likely came
After a short while you left
Leaving my world in chaos

You opened the gates to
possibilities I had cut off
And when you left
Made me feel the need
To cut off more then I did before

Awake at Night

Awake at night
I dream of things to come
Mere hours, near hours
Dreams of sour crepes

Awake at night
I cannot fall asleep
There are ticking clocks
Grandfather clocks
Driving me insane

Awake at night
There are times I fall asleep,
with a lack of feeling whole
These days now are the same old.
Until the next soul

Lover's Refrain

Look at me fliritng with danger
and putting my hand in the fire
I am going to be burned with desire
There is bliss,
and there is pain,
Though these days they are all one
and the same

Oh this lover's refrain,
Don't use my love as a weapon against me
So lover's
please refrain

Look how fucked up I am
These are my wounds,
These are my scars
I'll give you my best,
While you give me your worst

Oh lover's refrain,
You used my love as a weapon against me,
So lovers shall refrain

Sanity Seas

She looks away from sanity seas
Crumbling bits of would be diamonds
Failing to see, sea shells
There is a lack of timing

The seaweed has wrapped itself around the fortress
She can not swim, stuck in seclusion
Nothing is coming in.

Right

This is not the right time,
the right time now.
This is not where I am supposed to be,
or what I should be thinking

This is the right thought,
in the right moment,
This is the right movements,
all at the right time.

Daily Pains and Plans

The daily pains,
of everyday,
haunt and move,
the empty halls of my
inner workings.

The daily plans
of moving past
yesterday
even though there is no yesterday,
I feel I should be able to recall

So I plan my pain,
in little boxes,
in written pages,
and filled out sheets.
That way there is something to show,
something to gain,
besides this pain.

Ocean Friend

There is a friend of mine who swims at the bottom of the ocean,
Sometimes I even want to join him,
What little it means to him
but means to me,
to be encompassed by the sea

To lose all control
of the sails
piece by piece
of myself
of my world
of everything
and fall apart

Star

Murphy Bed,
In this Boston marriage,
You think you are my star

A star that can shine so bright
That it forgets there are other stars.
That can shine even brighter

So my star, my icon
Of things that have come to past,
or things that did not come at all
You certainly can wallow

Iconic pain,
That you put shame,
to being a star.