Heartstrings

Agony by numbers
finally able to see
what others could
all along
I do not belong
here nor there
having left pieces of my heart
everywhere
though I try
to hide in saturnine
nature
it is getting harder to hide
behind smiles
because even
though it is trite
the sadness comes through
these eyes

Someone said that,
that first love
did not count
and he could
be right
but I am hoping
not
because it leaves me
in no man's land
with emotions
I do not want to
confront
and friends
I know I should
desire to see
but I just
want to be left alone
because no one
deserves to be
with someone
whose heart
is without heartstrings