Pointless

some kind of
hell raising
monkey cat
climbing vines
scratching posts
you are going to
die alone
without a smiley face
to grow old with
is it not funny
ha
but not funny
ha ha
that these cries
become tears
giving a thumbs down
liars
and whores
and did I mention
liars
who say they do not mean
love
when they mean it
and
liars
who say they do not mean
in time
but instead abuse us
for our watches need batteries
and we are a minute
and some seconds
behind
god save us
why are you misplaced
in someone else's body
why are neither here
because the point is
pointless

Ghosts of self

What are you going to be?
I'm going to relive
the ghosts of self
to celebrate
the presence it
has created

Who would I be?
if I stayed here
with my eyes shut
with bombs
blowing up
wrecking
suburbia

Where it all went wrong

For those that wondered, where it all went wrong; I would say from birth. You come into this life, doe eyed optimistic, and life seems to try to whittle it down like carving soap into a boat. One question that has bothered me the older I get is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” or as we get older “What did you want to be when you were growing up?” Out of all the questions in my life, I think that is the hardest one to give without exposing too much of my heart. Since I could remember, all I wanted to be when I grew up was to be in love. Which I’m sure most people do, but not at the point that it would be the answer to that question. Though my answer to that question, states my biggest point; what I want to be is to love, and be loved; everything else isn’t important.

Off Words

Sometimes I get stuck on words
like how cotton candy sticks to itself
and I forget what
"gave" once meant
but it sounds pleasant
what was "joy"
if not expressionless

Who needs words
when there can be action
and why would there be action
without a worth
or a world
full of meanings
of just
off words

Just you and me

I came to you around
six'o'clock
barely breathing
still in shock
that this would
in some trivial time
always be mine
so I bask in all the glory
everytime we meet
without you knowing
it was because of you
and not the time
I spent driving

You keep me up late
not able to act upon
midnight glances
and whisper lullabies
from the one
I was meant to forever
recogize

And maybe there is a part
I should repent
because if I looked from the outside
I would resent
because I was always bothered by
it in others

Dizzy Ditzy

I sit in seclusion
doing self protraits
in a window of time
while everybody is living their lies
remebering what it was like
to think that
everyone is an actor
so I should play my role,
a dizzy ditzy
thing I rolled

The Drunk Year

It took a bunch of beer
to learn where I fit
and who I was,
was not what
was being acted upon
but as humans we
become stagnant
to ourselves,
so naturally
we become
to others

Trading friends
for a drunk year
because I cannot be
everywhere
and
everything
at any
or all
times
to anyone
or to myself

Suddenly
the year has ended
and we are stuck
with the conclusions
I belong to
no one and nothing
and I cannot be any longer
in pretending
but I can be in hiding

The Biggest Betrayal

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic creator
Who creates life
And then judges
The creation
And not the
Creator

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic leader
Who creates love
And then judges
A lover,
And not the
Love

The biggest betrayal comes from the
Masochistic being
Who dreams of love,
And his creator will not deem it
For the being cannot learn
to still believe in it.

Perfection

Why do you keep searching
for things that do not exist
looking for angels
in another's tea dress
climbing up ladders
that lead to nothing
cleaning up shelves
only left for dusting

Renounce every drop
of what your name means
denounce ever word
of clarification
bend every ear of every page
that crossed this stream
bind yourself
in your own perfection

Take a shuttle out of town
leave for the harbor
say your farewells
to all those hollows
burn your wounds
and your feelings
for nothing leads
to nothing

Farewell all those
with stone hearts
and Mary's
with bleeding souls
for we are done looking for
clarification
and
declaration
just wrapping ourselves
in our own perfection

Questions

Who was
What was
Where did
When did
Why was it
How did it
Get to this

Who did it
What did it mean
Where was it
When I lost
Why did it
How come
It happened
In Fragments
Of me

Thirties

I have given up all hope
So I sit and I smoke
Only missing who I was
And what I could have been
Instead of just
Crawling towards my thirties