Sunday Afternoon

As I drop off my newest friend at the train station today, there was no place for me to park so I parked behind the gay bar nearby. Somehow at a quarter before five, I see a friend’s car in the parking lot and instantly see him outside. I see my friend get on the train, and decide that I must go into the bar to briefly talk to my friend that was already there.

It’s sad that at this point, I feel that our friendship is waning. In a large part, I feel most of my friendships are waning though. Preconceived notions are all around me. Everyone has someone out there for them. If not, you should just have random sex. Everyone has a bigger purpose, a role to fill. Fake it until you make it, unaware you’ve lived most of your life a lie. Is that all that life is about?

So my friendships wane because I can’t be in that spot in my life, and I think it with no bitter or sweetness. Life has no meaning except for what you make out of it. To me I find after all the relationships I’ve had I need to take a difference point of view on the ones I have and want to have, specifically the one with myself. Sex now provides me nothing but fear. Sex is not sexy, but a merging of two souls is a moment of gold.

I choose not to go to gay bars because, I don’t need to live my life in a moment of “he’s the one,” or “he’s the one for right now.” Along with the notions, “Party Hard,” and “Keep on Drinking.” So when I hear my friend tell me he’s ok with having sex for the first time without cumming, I think “That was a problem?” Out of everything in your life, sex is just about that? Why am I here on this planet to hear such “dire” issues? Why are you here on a Sunday afternoon, drinking away your loneliness caused by a personal dry season? I’ve had many a dry season, and I’m not talking prohibition or penis leakage. Call me a fool, but I’m sick of growing mold.